Friday, May 29, 2009

Miss Lodge

And Archie chose Veronica.

    Oh Betty Betty Betty, stop gawking at the window. Hit up a bar with Jughead in tow and get yourself stinking drunk so you can have a good excuse when you wake up the following day naked with Jugs in bed. Move on blondie. this dude has been using you as a doormat for sixty four years. Go to a prestigious ivy league university, hit on your hot professor, mull over existentialism while sharing weed with a few strangers, experiment on bisexuality with your roommates, crash some frat parties, ditch the bra, go through a snobby Nietzsche phase, make plaster replicas of your boyfriends' pork swords, go unbathed for a week, dye your hair pink. for the love of all that is holy, STOP BEING A FRIGGIN' DOORMAT!

    Work your way up the corporate ladder. Sleep with a few executives if you must. Fight for what you want with tooth and nail. Be relentless. Never take no for an answer. Be brazen, be bold, paint the town red and leave them mystifed. Leave them breathless.

    Twenty years from now Archie will have gained a pot belly and a shiny bald spot, Veronica will still have those long and shapely legs, a few nips and tucks here and there and a frisky nineteen year old pool boy on the side. This is when you return to Riverdale. Beautiful, elegant, wealthy and successful. Give them something to gawk at. 

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