You Are A Murderer of Love!

Dan in Real Life. Directed and written by Peter Hedges and Pierce Gardner. Starring Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche. Funny and endearing. Dan Burns is a lonely widower with three daughters. They drive to the family vacation place on Rhode Island where the Burns clan gather every year. At a bookstore on the first morning of the vacation he chats with a woman who lets him bare his soul. He does and they connect. But the woman is seeing someone, so she gives him her number instead and tells him to call her sometime. They part ways. He goes back to the vacation home and meets his brother's girlfriend Marie, the woman he met previously in the bookstore. 

    1. Steve Carell's performance in this movie is quite good. He swings from frustration to somberness to  enchantment with such ease there is fluidity in each changing scene. You cannot help but root for him throughout the entire movie. 

    2. His lovesick daughter (played by Brittany Robertson) will make you realize how stupid you must have looked at fourteen swearing undying love to another lovesick fourteen year old boy. 

    3. There is great chemistry between Dan and Marie. Some sweet scenes. None too cheesy. 

    4. Dane Cook is chubby in this movie. I missed his abs from good Luck Chuck. 

    5. "Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised." Nice line. Another one: "Love isn't a feeling, it's an ability." 

    6. Will convince you to hold back on procreation. 

    7. His daughters look like they could really be siblings.  Good casting. 

    8. "You are a murderer  of love!" I was laughing like a madwoman at four o'clock in the morning. 

     9. Great soundtrack. Note to self: Must download later. 

Vantage Point. Directed by Pete Travis and written by Barry Levy. Starring Dennis Quaid, Forrest Whitaker and Matthew Fox. A fast paced suspenseful puzzle. The President of the United States is in Salamanca, Spain, about to address the city in a public square. We see a plain-clothes cop, his girlfriend with another man, a mother and child, an American tourist with a video camera, and a Secret Service agent newly returned from medical leave. Shots ring out and the President falls; a few minutes later, we hear a distant explosion, then a bomb goes off in the square. Those minutes are retold, several times, emphasizing different characters' actions. 

    1. Note to self: Always keep a double nearby so she can die for me. 

    2. The little girl screaming in the middle of the freeway for her mother while the ambulance was speeding towards her is effing stupid. Why spend what could be the remaining last seconds of your life screaming when you can get out of the way and continue to live?

     3. Terrorists don't care about killing dozens of people in a town square with a bomb but decide to swing off the road so they don't hit a little girl.     

     4. If you happen to be in a hotel where a politician is staying, watch out for very sweaty bellboys clutching a trigger. 

     5. Bomb blasts don't kill Important Characters, regardless of their proximity to them.

     6. Cute helpless spanish little girls are the best way to thwart the plans of a president-kidnapping terrorist group. 

     7. If you catch this midway on HBO, don't bother watching the rest of the movie. You will be bewildered. 

     8. You will wish there is a scene of Matthew Fox undressing. 

     9. We need to teach our presidents self-defense.

One Missed Call. Directed by Eric Valette and written by Andrew Klaven and Yasushi Akimoto. Starring Shannyn Sossamon and Edward Burns. An awful remake of another decent Japanese horror movie. In this remake of the Japanese horror film "Chakushin Ari" (2003), several people start receiving voice-mails from their future selves -- messages which include the date, time, and some of the details of their deaths.

     1. The cat in at the beginning of the movie dies along with her owner. Based on the premise of the story, she apparently received a call too. 

     2.  Nothing much is explained about the girl who cuts her sister and who instigates the so called "curse". You will spend most of the time watching this movie confused or utterly bored. 

    3.  The ring tone is quite creepy.

        

    4. The blonde little girl looks like a young Reese Witherspoon.

 
    5. After the cop dies and Sossamon's character is saved by the evil ghost's mother, the cop's phone magically dials itself and the cycle begins yet again (makes me wonder, is this how the cat was able to receive the call and dial the next victim's number despite opposable thumbs?). Ah, well. Thus we have a sequel. Ewmahgahd. 

Are you black? Does it hurt?

Dear Dot,

     I think you are a genius. Your cheese nibbling skills have left me in awe. I've been practicing twirling fire batons too, just like you, but alas, I burned off my father's hair plugs. To make it up to him, I made him a new one using our toilet ring mat and my dog's matted fur. He liked it so much that he was speechless. I too, want to meet those talking M & M's. Maybe we could arrange a double date with them sometime, that is if your father allows us. The. I call dibs on the yellow one. I've enclosed my contact numbers, I'd like to hear from you soon.

Love,

Issey

  

                                                                                                                                                   

Dear Stuart,

      The tooth fairy came to visit me last night too. Except she had a beard and smelled funny. She didn't take my tooth, she took my panties with her and left behind a plastic packet with a white powdery stuff inside. It must be some magic powder that will make everyone grow horns, just like a unicorn. So I sprinkled it on my mum's soup behind her back. Everyone loved the soup but they instantly fell asleep on the table. They looked funny asleep, like they were brushing their teeth. Their mouths were foaming. Anyways, my family still hasn't woken up and I just ran out of the white powdery stuff. I'm gonna loosen a tooth so the tooth fairy will come back. I need those panties back. 

       Wish me luck!

Love,

Issey

                                                                                                                                                    

Edward Penishands

      It has been raining quite often lately which has caused our demented internet connection to screw up. When the mouse potato cannot play there is nothing to do but laze the day away. Popped a few DVDs that would most definitely incur the ire of Edu Manzano and dipped my hand in a jar filled with Curly Tops. Aaahh, cheap chocolates and pirated DVDs. I am in bum heaven. 

    

  Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Directed and written by Kevin Smith (of the Jay and Silent Bob fame). Starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. Wickedly funny.  Zack and Miri are platonic friends sharing an apartment and a load of unpaid bills. Both attend their high school reunion and discover a former classmate who is now a pornstar. This inspires them to make a porn movie of their own. They hire a small cast consisting of oddballs. They realize their romantic feelings for each other while performing a sex scene and this complicates everything. 

     1. The name of the porn movie they are making is called Star Whores. Hello fanboys, did I get your blood pumping or what?

     2. Seth Rogen is strangely attractive. This may be the Curly Tops speaking.

     3. Justin Long as a gay pornstar who is in a relationship with the former school hearthrob played by the absurdly gorgeous Brandon Routh. They share a brief kiss after a lovers' quarrel. Twilight Zone moment. Justin is hilarious as the gay pornstar. 

     4. Zack mentions a few porn movie titles, one of which is Edward Penishands which I recently discovered in Imdb to be an actual porn movie. Must see. 

     5. Jason Mewes (Jay of Jay and Silent Bob) has a full frontal scene. Bends over a refrigerator, in all his hairy ball glory. Almost choked on a Curly Top. 

     6. The F word is mentioned 229 times. Fucketry galore. May be NSFW. Wear headphones while auspiciously viewing at your workplace. 

      7. Miri: If it's so easy, how come everyone doesn't do it? 

          Zack: Because other people have options--and dignity--which we don't have, which puts us in an amazingly advantageous position! 

         This line made my day. 

  

 Taken. Directed by Pierre Morel and written by Luc Besson (Transporter and The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc) and Robert Mark Kamen. Starring Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace. A fast-paced and straight forward high speed action. Thoroughly enjoyable. Liam plays Bryan Mills. A former secret service spy who has retired to spend more time with his daughter Kim who now lives with her mother and her wealthy stepfather. Kim convinces the reluctant Bryan to sign an authorization document to allow her to travel to Paris with her friend Amanda. In Paris they share a cab with an attractive acquaintance named Peter. Peter discovers where they live and he finds out they are alone on a vacation. When Bryan succeeds in contacting his daughter, a group of Albanian syndicate enter the apartment and abducts both girls. Bryan vows to get his daughter back. He finds out the Albanians are a group involved in human trafficking. He immediately flies to Paris and tracks down the group to retrieve his daughter. 

     1. Recently understood what my mum finds so sexy about Liam Neeson. He has this unexplainable potent charisma that women will find very difficult to ignore. I personally love his voice, very subtly sexy. He is someone who commands attention without being overtly manly. 

     2. Maggie and the girl who played Amanda do not look like seventeen year olds. My sister is seventeen, she looks like a fetus next to these two. 

    3. The scary side of Paris. Now there is no way my overprotective father will ever let me travel to Europe without a mature companion. And by mature he means he and my mother or a husband who will not sell me to an Albanian trafficking syndicate.

    4. Note to self: Do not share cabs with cute italian acquaintances. Must save that for the fourth date to ensure he will keep seeing me. 

    5. This movie makes me wish my father were a secret service spy. Oh wait, he is. 

    6. Famke Janssen (who plays Kim's mother) is wearing the same top throughout the entire movie. I understand this would be a highly stressful situation for any mother but at least change your clothes woman! You are wearing the same top when you drop off your daughter at the airport on the way to Paris and when your daughter comes home. You are supposed to be married to a millionaire. Duh.

    7. A straight forward action movie where the characters aren't complicated. No quirks, no oddities, no unresolved issues for a change. Unpretentious and refreshing. 

 The Game Plan. Directed by Andy Fickman and written by Nicholle Millard and Kathryn Price. Starring Dwayne Johnson and Madison Pettis. Cute and lighthearted. Dwayne plays Joe Kingman. The star quarterback of the Boston Rebels. He is egotistical, wealthy and enjoying bachelorhood immensely. His life turns topsy turvy when eight year old Peyton Kelly shows up at his doorstep claiming to be his offspring. In order to avoid distractions, his media savvy manager decides to package the two as a loving father and daughter. The precocious youth boosts his popularity. Peyton makes up for lost time by engaging her father in various activities such as ballet dancing. Joe connects with his long-lost daughter and discovers fatherly affection towards the little girl. Complications arise when Peyton's real situation is revealed. 

     1. Spike is incredibly adorable in a pink tutu. Will dissolve anyone in a gooey puddle of cuteness. Note to Self: Must buy one for Bruce.

    2. The Rock in tights. What is it with Disney making all these action stars look motherly? Hello Vin Diesel, you shouldn't have allowed these people to tamper your uhmm....masculinity. 

    3. Must beware of bedazzling kit, will turn anything tacky. 

    4. The girl who plays Joe's haughty lady friend looks too old to be twenty one. I'm twenty one honey, my uterus has not protruded and my breasts are still together. What is it with these casting people?

    5. Dwayne Johnson looks funny when he's emoting. 

    6. Spike is a scene stealer. Adorableness galore. 

    7. The ending is quite predictable. Then again, this is a Disney movie.