Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sartorial Imperilism


So sorry, I have not been updating this sad excuse for a blog in quite a while. The last post was a rant and I don't want to leave things on a sour note. Many things are currently keeping me busy. Will try harder to post regularly. Meanwhile, I know everyone's been secretly fantasizing about being shot by the sartorialist. Here is a pretty helpful algorithm for y'all.

This month I have....

1. Gotten myself a pretty decent job.
2. Quit the said job due to shamelessly indecent monetary compensation.
3. Met a great guy. See photo below.

4. Realized the great guy is and will always be gay.
5. Realized once again, that this will not stop me from loving him.
6. Deluded myself into thinking I can make him want tacos instead of wieners. My taco, in particular.
7. Accepted the cold hard truth that the great guy is allergic to tacos.
8. Gotten myself into a same sex relationship with the aforementioned great guy. And no, we are not having sex. Pathetic, I know.
9. Received my first paycheck.
1o. Discovered that the anticipation of getting my first paycheck felt much better than the real thing.
11. Discovered a truly reliable shipping service and will be making future transactions and purchases soon.

Ponder this, Why the fuck are there so many gorgeous gay men? Is this in order to spite women? Is gay the new black? I've heard Chuck Bass will kiss a dude in the 3rd season of GG, what the manolo blahnik is going on with the world?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Apple That Fell Too Far From The Tree

They call it keeping up with the Jones's. I call it my great misfortune. There are days when I wish I could untangle myself from this web of lies my whole life has been entwined on. For the people who know us, we are happy. My father is the life of the party, charming and gregarious. His wife, obedient and dutiful stays at home to watch over the kids. And the kids, attractive, smart and well-behaved never get into trouble. They meet me, recognize my family name. Their eyes light up. I come from a wealthy family, good genes, good track record. They look at me and think, she'll do well. After all, the apple never falls far from the tree.

This is one of those days. I am torn. When you have lived with tragedy for so long in your life, it becomes the norm. Then you get tired of being miserable and angry all the time, so you find the ridiculous. You laugh until you run out of air. It's like your life has become this one big joke and you finally get it.

I am torn between anger and boredom. Nothing has changed. Everything is in its place. There's mom ever the martyr, hoping and praying things will get better. There's my sister who thinks she isn't good enough, my brother who is mad at the world. There's me who knows that someone else's child will always be better for you. Then there's you dad, the kid with the magnifying glass lighting up an ant hill.

I'm tired and bored. I know I will never be good enough for you. And I just don't give a fuck anymore. I can live without you. My life would be much much better without you. So why don't you save us all the trouble and get it over with?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hannibal Lecter's Beauty Secret

Yes folks, I'm not shitting you.
What a way to scare off that annoying neighbor's child.