Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Tears, hair wax thievery and suddenly missing the ex

Sup, Betches?

What a week.

 It's sunday night and I feel drained. I need something to perk me up bad. I've just began my training as a volunteer nurse. Any feverish anticipation I might have felt these past few days for my upcoming training was completely overshadowed by the dread and the panic that swiftly crept up my neck. The Visayas Mindanao Debate Championship (VMDC) is highly anticipated by debaters, adjudicators and debate enthusiasts from Visayas and Mindanao. This year my univ was given the honor to host the 3rd VMDC. My best friend and I had been planning last year to join as a team. After the November Board Exams I researched about various topics to prepare for the tourney. I missed debating. I spent the past year studying for the board exams. My life was a tedious cycle of study-lecture-study-exams. We were housed in a beach front dormitory. TV and internet access were banned. We were basically locked up for two months in a boot camp. 

 Anyways, The VMDC is slated to take place two weeks from now. Debaters from the other schools were beginning to become agitated. Invitations had not been sent, specific dates were not posted. We were thrown into a harried frenzy. Our very unreliable adviser was suffering from a bad case Procrastinator's syndrome. nothing at all was done. Dear Manong and I decided to take the matters into our own hands. We set up meetings, established working committees, designed logos, built linkages. Each minute was golden. 

 In the other side of things, the nurse in me was experiencing a different kind of frenzy. My unruly thick black mane refused to be tamed. It was my first day on the job and I did not want to disappoint. I was in a hurry, I had to be at the hospital at 7.45. It was now 7.30 and my hair was sticking out in ll directions. My saving grace finally came in the form of my brother's tub of hair wax. It was a men's hair product, aptly named 'Master'. And it was surprisingly good for a cheap hair product. My thick strands were held firmly in place without the slick wet look. I was pleasantly surprised to be assigned to the Hemodialysis Unit. While the rest worked in pairs, I was left to fend off by myself. 

 I enjoyed working in the HDU. The staff nurses were very supportive and accommodating. I was not given a moment to feel out of place. The machines looked very complex, I was afraid to even go near it, so I did the next best thing. I asked a load of questions. And my questions were sufficiently responded to. I easily became familiar with the routine and dynamics in the unit. My shift ended at four. 

 I fell instantly asleep after dinner, my day was busy and exhausting. I stayed up late at night to watch MJ's memorial at the Staples Center. It felt strange, I missed him like a brother. The past few weeks since his death were a little difficult for me. I couldn't imagine a world without him. I've always been a big fan. I remember being three years old, scrawny, wide eyed and awestruck. My mum was a big fan of his and we had this old betamax tape of his music video that I loved to bits. I'd watch it all the time. I forgot the title of the song but I still distinctly remember being fascinated by the animation and the graphic work. He was riding this amusement park type ride and all these weird things surrounded him. I remember the mouth shaped tunnel. It was tongue in cheek and I lapped it up. I remember attempting to moonwalk and failing miserably. When he came to the country for a sold out concert, I went ballistic. I couldn't believe he was in my country. I grew up knowing there was no better entertainer than Michael Jackson. And now at twenty one, I realize how true that is. I stayed up until 4 am to watch his memorial. I was an utter mess, just sobbing my heart out in the middle of the night. 

 I went to work the following day looking harassed. So sorry have not been posting much, currently very busy. I will try to post more often this week. I suddenly miss the ex. Wonder why this feeling is suddenly dawning on me. Didn't shed a single tear when we parted ways. Now I miss him, his stubble, his scent, his skin, his eyes, his hands. Is this some sort of delayed reaction? has my sleep deprived brain gone haywire? Now I am missing him, and I'm horny. But will definitely not go there, sex always complicates things. He was a good boyfriend, and I want it to be the last thing I remember from our relationship, sex will drive us both mad. Will leave everything in its proper place. Me and my space, he and his hibernation. Maybe it isn't him I miss but the sex? Was that stupid facebook quiz right, after all? Have I become the female equivalent of Barney Stinson? All this time I thought I was a Carrie and at times, a Charlotte. Am I secretly and truly a Samantha? 

 Have I been delluding myself into thinking I want a good relationship, not hook-ups, not flings, but a great happy secure relationship with a nice sensible man. Dear God, Am I in it for the fuck? Have I inherited my father's horndogness? *shudders*

 Too tired to ponder. Maybe will reconsider while bathing tomorrow. I always think clearly when I am at the bath. Meanwhile, is it wrong to fantasize about a priest? Am I committing some mortal sin I am not aware of? Will I be eternally damned?

The priest is the president of my univ and he is wickedly gorgeous, clever and articulate. I caught him stealing a few glances last night during practice. Felt strangely tingly. Must avoid, will definitely be eternally damned.

Tomorrow I'll be on duty at the intensive care unit, dear God please do not let any of my would-be patients die on me.